Ammi is going to kill me.  First of all , I am not allowed to open the fridge without an elder standing next to me,  and second I  should not have spilled all the milk inside the fridge. The milk is everywhere inside and is dripping down drop by drop.

 

 Will Ammi tell Abba ? No. She  will forget . How will she even know who did it?  I silently shut the fridge. I don’t know  who opened it. I don’t know why milk is dripping from the bottom. I was in my room all afternoon reading Children’s Digest.

 

It is five in the afternoon. Ammi must still be talking outside with Sahoo aunty. If I sit down and start  my studies from now, Ammi will be happy and  maybe she won’t notice anything. I quickly run into my room and sit down at my study table. The table  is next to my window. I can see Ammi outside talking to Sahoo Aunty. Hmmm.. What should I read… English grammar! I open the book.

 

 Oh! A few postcards spill out from inside my book. Let’s pick up one and read it. This pink one. The letters are so dirty! I must have been very little when I wrote this.

 

To “Abdul Sheikh(Advocate), Kazibazzar, Burdha-751001 ”  From  “Yours golden girl, Fatima” ,    

“My dear Father,                                                                                                            

I am well here. Hope you will be well there. How is Nazima? What are she doing? I will go to Bhurda  after my Exam Over. Accept my pranam and convey to my mother and Uncles.”

 

Abba made me write letters to my father when I was little. Now I write my own letters. Abba and Ammi are very nice.  But they are very strict and angry also. Abba is  big and strong ,has a round belly and has very little white hair and  a thick moustache. If  I watch cartoons or don’t study or do mischief , first Ammi scolds me and then Abba punishes me with the thick cane he keeps to hit me. It is very painful and I always cry. But then, at night Abba rubs the spot , hugs me and puts me to sleep.

 

 I live with Abba and Ammi from my baby times. In my summer holidays I go to Burdha where my father, mother , little sister and Uncles stay. Sometimes I wonder how other people don’t live with grandparents. But after I come home from school, I wish I had a younger sister or brother at home to talk and play with. Then I could…

 

“Heeeey  Allaaaahhh!!!!!”

Ammi’s shout comes from the kitchen.  I quickly grab my pencil and bury my head in my book.

“Fatimaaaa!!”  she called.

I pretend not to  hear.

“Fatimaaa! “ she shouts again

“Ji Ammiii....” I meekly respond  finally.

“Come to the kitchen! Come now!!”

Like a good innocent girl, I respectfully walk into the kitchen .

 Ammi is standing next to the dripping fridge with  red angry eyes. “When did you do this!” she screams  . Why she doesn’t ask?

“I did not do this Ammi…” I say.

“Then who did this?! Some ghosts? ” she screams back. Her eyes are redder than before. Now she is going to balst. Today, I’m surely getting the cane.

                                ***

It is eight at night now and Abba could come home anytime. Today Ammi was so furious that she shut my room’s door from outside for one hour. When Abba comes home, she will tell him everything and he will hit me with the stick  many times. Maybe I won’t be allowed to enter the kitchen without permission.

 

 I can hear a scooter horn honking outside. It is  Abba. Ammi opens the gate. I watch from inside the window. Abba is still on the scooter and Ammi is talking to him. She is telling him what I did. Slowly Abba keeps the scooter and comes inside with Ammi. I immediately start looking at the decimal questions and quickly copy them down into my notebook. I can hear them enter the front door, then the living room and then go into their sleeping room.

 

For one hour, nothing happens. Then, I hear Abba slowly walking towards my room. I start looking at the questions I had copied and quickly begin adding the decimals. The door opens slowly.

“Fatima..” he says slowly. His voice sounds like a frog when he talks slowly and like a tiger when he shouts. “Come into Ammi’s room.”

 

I slowly walk into their room. Abba and Ammi are sitting on the bed. Ammi has her nose covered with her cotton saree. I think she was crying. Abba’s face is sunken too. He hasn’t changed from  his golden Punjabi. This is not how my beatings usually go.  I sit down on the bed facing both of them.

 

“Abba..I won’t open the fridge again…” I start without waiting  “I wont go into the kitchen alone… ” I am pumping my face so that some tears may squeeze out. Abba’s face is still sunken.

“Have you written to Abbu ,Fatima ?”  He is sounding like a frog.

I nod  my head like a good little girl. I had given my letter last week.

“Did you ask your father to send Nazima here?”

I am terrified! My letters to Abbu were secret! Now Abba will punish me even more!

“Fatima… Do you miss your little sister? Do you want to be with her?”

I shake my head as hard as I can! I notice that shaking my head makes him angrier. So I quietly nod .

“Sometimes…I want to play with her and talk to her here at home.” I say

Abba sighs. “Are you studying for your final exams?”

“Haan …I am studying very hard” I nod. My final exams are one week away.

“Good” he says. “I was talking to your Abbu. After your exams, Abbu will come to take you.”

I know that, he always comes to take me in my holidays.

 “Fatima” he continues “you will live with your father and mother in Burdha from now on.”

 

                ****

Fatima stops trying to pump her face. Her nose and cheeks start to turn pink and her large eyes begin to flicker. Slowly, the streams begin to flow down.

 “Nooo..” she squeaks slowly.

Her face begins to grow redder until finally, with the high pitched noise she explodes into tears.

“Fatima… No crying” Abba says. Fatima doesn’t stop.

 “Fatima… stop crying and look at me.”  Abba says again sternly.

 

“Nooo!!!” Fatima screams back. Her face is now all red and wet. Ammi has begun sobbing again softly. “Nooo! I wont go!” with that she jumps off the bed and runs out of the room. She runs around the house throwing steel glasses and plates . Then, wailing loudly she runs to her desk and flings her books and copies all around the room.

 

Grabbing his cane and storming into her room Abba roared “Stop this! Now!”.  He was at the door holding his cane and with fuming eyes. He was breathing furiously. “Throw one more thing and I’ll tan your skin! Unruly child!  ”.

 

Fatima slowed down to a stop. She stood facing Abba. She wasn’t scared of the cane anymore.

Still sobbing, she quietly walked to the old man and hugged him.

“Abba. Please don’t send me away. I don’t want to leave. How will  I live without you and Ammi?” She was still violently sobbing.

 

For a moment, there was silence.

 

Abba dropped the cane, lifted the girl and sat down on the bed with the girl still hugging him. He hugged her back and began patting her head,  lightly swinging back and forth. Ammi was now standing at the door, with her sree still puffing her nose.

 “I’ll be a good girl. I promise. I won’t trouble you or Ammi or anybody again.  I’ll be a very good girl” said  Fatima.

“You are a good girl Fatima..” said Abba still patting her head, still swinging and  breathing slowly. “You are my Golden girl.”